Debbie N.

01:22 pm: Thanksgiving
Two things stand out from my reading list.

goodbadgirl has renamed the holiday and added a wish:

I hope you are spending "Crackers Stole The Land Day But We Are Still Gathering To Eat With Our Families Despite This Supremely Fucked Up Premise" with people you love and food that is bad for your cholesterol.

kshandra offers this quote from Arlo Guthrie, which I never remember seeing before:

To everyone spending time with loved ones or friends - Enjoy. To those dishing out food and care to others who need it - God Bless You! And those caught in the web of the worlds problems, take a moment for yourself today. We are all in the same boat. There is no past reality, nor is the future ever reachable. We have only the moment, this moment. I've written about moments for decades, but I only write about them in the now of things. It's this now that I love, where I can decide for myself who I am. And if there are days when I can't seem to remember who I am, that's okay too, because I also know that I am loved. Whoever I am, whatever I've done, why ever I did anything, I am still loved. And I am not any different than you, which means you are loved. That's something to be thankful for anytime, and a good time to start remembering is now - Thanksgiving is all about knowing you are loved. Whatever, whoever you name your beloved, the love is the same. For that I am pretty thankful...

Between them, they say everything I want to say.

11:07 pm: This
A friend from the process work intensive class pokershaman and I took last summer just linked to this on Facebook. As the list of people I wanted to share it with got longer and longer, I thought I'd just put it here.

It doesn't excerpt well. Short version: a Thanksgiving ritual among (male) prisoners, starkly described, followed by some thoughts on doing the same work with CEOs. Read it if it's the kind of thing you read.

12:53 pm: Urban Living
Last night, wordweaverlynn, pokershaman, and I went to see mollena in Drip by Christina Anderson. The show was about a block and a half from my work, in the Tenderloin. It was marvelous, and perhaps I'll write about it, but that's a different post. (And we need a 12plays_poc community, too!)

We walked back past my office. The retail space on the building's ground floor is empty, except that it is currently occupied by two exhibits from San Francisco's Art in Storefronts city-funded program. I argue with my colleagues a lot about this, because the main installation on our ground floor is *ahem* simplistic ("a dazzling display of life-size floating figures" made of crumpled office paper), and people are inclined to make fun of it. I also am inclined to make fun of it, and at the same time I argue that a bad installation does not invalidate the use of city money for art in vacant storefronts.

Next to the floating figures, in the entranceway of the same retail space, is an exhibit from the new San Francisco Film Museum. They have various monitors showing contemporary footage, but the showstopper is a 1906 pre-earthquake film taken from a cable car going down Market Street toward the Ferry Building (and thus the film takes us right past the spot where it's running).

I knew wordweaverlynn would be interested, so we stepped into the entranceway to watch the roughly 15-minute film. We were first joined by a gentleman who was very interested in the film and wanted to know when it was taken. He started watching with us. The next person to join us was a neighborhood resident (this is an area with a lot of homeless and underserved people) who was also interested. He agreeably put out his cigarette when I asked and started telling stories he'd heard about the 1906 quake. Finally, a couple around my age joined us: both of them using canes to walk. They were interested and involved, and they also wanted to tell us that they are featured in a new neighborhood mural a couple of blocks away.

By the time the little film ended, and we all wandered away in our various directions, we had had a lovely community conversation, of exactly the kind that many people I know believe cannot be had across all the divisions and fractures of the city streets.

To my mind, that kind of encounter, multiplied, makes up for a lot of crumpled paper on wire frames. And the 1906 film is really amazing!

11:53 am: Transgender Day of Remembrance
I really wanted to get to one of the vigils, but I could only do it by breaking dates I'd made before I remembered the significance of November 20, so I didn't.

And I wasn't going to post because I had nothing particular to say, but then I saw all the posts on my reading list that just say I remember. Which is more than worth saying.

And then I read serene's post listing transpeople who are important to her, and I realized that that's something I could do. If you read, remember that every one of these women is roughly 17 times as likely to be murdered as the average American.

The first transwoman I met was J. She was a controversial figure in my social circle in the 1970s, and we've never been close. She transitioned early and came out early and took an amazing amount of heat just for being who she is.

I don't remember when I started having a lot of women who have transitioned in my life, but now I do. Here are a few of them.

B is a tireless fighter for the rights of people who have few or no rights, a lover of film, and a highly paid computer systems professional.

CA is too busy to hang out very often. I think of her as the face of San Francisco--she and her events have the same in-your-face quirkiness of my city. She has proved a thousand times that she can't book a comedian who's funnier than she is. Also, fine writer of fiction and nonfiction and great company.

I had coffee with CM yesterday before she went to a TDOR event. She's a pillar of the science fiction convention organizing world, smart, funny, and patient.

CT is moving out of rather than into my life, for reasons that are about her other relationships and life choices. She doesn't identify as a transwoman, but makes no secret that she was born into a male body. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know her a bit; I especially like how she goes about facing and solving the problems that come up for her.

M fixes motorcycles, works in biotech, and says what she thinks, wherever she is and whatever she thinks. I enjoy her company and I learn a lot from her.

R is one of the smartest, funniest people I know, and an excellent writer of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. I think we'd be very close friends if we didn't live so far from one another.

S is really more a friend of friends than a friend of mine, but I like knowing a rocket scientist, especially one who spends time in the Arctic, simulating what her robots might do on other planets. I'm hoping to get to know her better.

Then, there are the prominent transwomen whom I don't know personally, but whose books and public appearances have taught me so much, including Kate Bornstein, Julia Serano, and Riki Lee Wilchins.

I have a feeling that I'm forgetting half a dozen important people. And I haven't mentioned the transmen and genderqueers in my life, who are also at higher risk.

I've known a couple of people who've been murdered--I feel fortunate that I've only known them casually. And all the transpeople that I know are alive and well, or were the last time I checked in. I also feel fortunate that I was born into a body that suits me, and I haven't had to make hard choices or face enormous obstacles to bring those aspects of myself into some kind of alignment.

But once I came to understand the statistics, the worry has never ever left the back of my mind.

And that's part of why I remember.

11:57 pm: Get Yer Urban Wildlife Right Here!
pantryslut has been wishing for a baby book about urban animals.

Never mind the baby book, just bring the ladies to live here for a couple of days.

Downstairs, there's a mouse. Or a rat. A large mouse or a small rat. Downstairs, there's also an exterminator coming as soon as I can arrange it.

Upstairs, we have bandits. Clever, masked, four-footed bandits. Otherwise known as raccoons.

Not infrequently, they come in in the middle of the night and eat the cat food. Never mind that I'm asleep in the room just off the kitchen with my door open.

Last week, I heard the cat hissing at the cat door and opened the door and there was a raccoon. So I closed off the cat door, the raccoon banged on it for a while and the cat (who doesn't like our litter box) peed on pokershaman's clean laundry.

Tonight, I heard something at the cat food and it didn't sound quite right. So I got up and something raced out of the kitchen and through the cat door before I could get into the kitchen. If you've never dealt with raccoons, you might not find this surprising. I, however, was astonished that the little burglar had the slightest concern whatsoever about what I was doing. In fact, about 30 seconds after it scampered out the cat door, it was sticking its nose back into the now well-lit and occupied kitchen. So I closed off the cat door again. Then I cleaned out the litter box and moved it in the faint hope that the cat won't punish me for keeping raccoons out of his food.

In the 25 years I've lived here, we've had rats once or twice before, but a long time ago. We've had mice that the cats brought in. We've had a possum or three, including the baby possum that an earlier downstairs neighbor found in her silverware drawer. I once had a bird which trapped itself behind the refrigerator. And the raccoons come and go, but they always come back.

This isn't a neighborhood for deer, so far, but I'm kind of expecting the deer who came to dinner.

03:06 pm: Body Image in Japan and the U.S.: Japan Focus article
As some of you know, laurieopal and I (and our collaborators Mika Kobayashi and Rebecca Jennison) have been working for many months on a long, detailed article on "Body Image in Japan and the United States" for the online Asia-Pacific Journal: Japan Focus;. The finished article is finally here!

You don't want to know how many drafts it's been through. Laurie and I are eternally grateful to everyone who answered questionnaires, who read and commented on drafts, and who provided the underlying material. The long acknowledgments list at the end of the article reflects the whole scope of Laurie's Women of Japan project, for which I have done a lot of writing and editing.

The good thing about how long it took to do is how much we learned: there is a lot of information in there about body image in Japan that we simply didn't have before. If it interests you at all, check it out.

02:44 pm: Birthdays, Birthdays
I'm not so much with the birthday posts, but today is a pretty amazing collection of birthdays.

I hope onyxlynx doesn't mind my telling people that today is her 60th natal day, which she shares (day and year) with jonsinger. I'm not far from 60 myself, but it still seems remarkable to me and worthy of comment and celebration for two people I've been close to and cared about for a long, long time. Many happy returns to both.

It's also Birthday Number One for April and Simone, twins extraordinaire. They're very special to me because I care about all of their parents, because they are such remarkable children, and because they're the first babies whom I've seen regularly almost without fail for the first year of their lives. My past history with babies has all been about dipping in and dipping out again, seeing a lot and then not for months, so being with Simone and April has been a huge treat. I feel like I comprehend how they got from here:



to here:



I am so looking forward to following them on the next steps of their journey.

I'm basking in the luxury of having such rich old friendships and such rewarding new ones, all on the same day!

10:52 pm: Boosting Signal
goodbadgirl posts this petition to the FDA, which is considering taking acetaminophen (aka Tylenol) out of all prescription pain combinations, like Percocet and Vicodin, and simultaneously taking the "extra strength" dose off the shelf and into the prescription formulary.

Acetaminophen is, admittedly, a dangerous drug when misused. It might be one of the most dangerous of the over-the-counter drugs. At the same time, it is gentle on the stomach and it's the painkiller of choice of a great many people, a significant portion of whom are more mobile and/or more functional because of it.

The only number I can find quickly is 450 deaths a year in the United States. This isn't a reliable number, since it's from an ambulance-chasing law firm.

I think this is an issue with good arguments on both sides. For me, the "these drugs make a difference to people's pain" argument is the winner.

08:05 am: I Do Not Think That Phrase Means What He Thinks It Means
Newt Gingrich "accidentally" named Allison Vivas, president of Pink Visual, entrepreneur of the year.

I put "accidentally" in quotation marks because sloppy lazy research, though a hallmark of Gingrich and his ilk, is not the same thing as accidents.

Vivas is making hay out of the situation:

I'm honored, and more than a little surprised, to receive this prestigious award," Vivas said. "It never occurred to me that Newt Gingrich, one of the principal architects of the conservative Contract With America in the 1990s, would be willing to brave criticism from the far right of his party in order to recognize good work done on the part of an adult entertainment professional."

Gingrich, always elegant, has withdrawn the award.

04:22 pm: Send a Fabulous Photographer to Antarctica
joedecker can go to Antarctica on Quark's money, and come back with extraordinarily beautiful photographs.

All you have to do is register here and vote for him.

I'm excited!

08:49 pm: Next Time Won't You Sing With Me?
Did you think I'd never finish?

vgqn is a master gardener, a fine cook, and excellent company. She blogs about her garden, her travels, her reading, and her life. She's a person I'm very glad to be in touch with through these journals.

They just don't come any sharper, smarter, or funnier than vito_excalibur. She tells the truth as she sees it, tells us when she thinks she saw it wrong, pulls no punches, and is an accomplished artist. If you're not reading her, why not?

voidampersand doesn't post much. If he did, I'd send you to his journal for restaurant recommendations, hiking stories, and more.

vondanmcintyre keeps this journal to keep up with other people. I certainly hope she needs no introduction. Me, I just read every word she writes, and am never disappointed.

vylar_kaftan is another one who doesn't post much. We kind of slipped sidewise into being friends, and I feel very fortunate that it happened. She's a fine short story writer, with novels coming some day, I'm sure.

waywardcats is a close friend. She writes occasionally about life, cats, and a host of volunteering efforts (and yes, she also has a full-time job). We have a very easy, undemanding friendship that's always satisfying.

No one is better company on an impulse trip to London than whipartist. And she's good company at home as well. Her journal is about poker, food, adventures, and her view of the world: always thought-provoking reading.

I keep feeling that one day I'll get to know whittles better, and I look forward to that day. She blogs about her burlesque adventures and sometimes her political work.

whump mostly shares his fascination with Second Life (he works for the company that makes it happen) and his frustration with right-wing politics, a topic on which we (unsurprisingly) usually agree.

I share a birthday with womzilla, and we've shared office space in the past. He's extremely good company: one of those cheerful polymaths who can take the conversation all over the map without ever sounding like a know-it-all. When he blogs, see "frustration with right-wing politics" above.

pokershaman brought wordweaverlynn into my life, and enriched it by doing so. No one is a better spokesperson for the ravages of a hard childhood ... and the joys of overcoming one. She's a fine writer, a tireless collector of funny, chilling, and important links, and a very good friend.

Next up: what I learned from doing these.

12:34 pm: I'm going to try to work around the fact that DW/LJ cross-posting isn't working. We'll see how this post looks on LJ ...

A little bird pointed out to me that I somehow overlooked ellen_kushner way back in the alphabet, which is an unforgivable elision. I'm not sure how she and I got to be friends, because I would have happily hung back and admired her from a distance forever, but she bridged the gap somehow and my life is much the richer for it. You can follow her life and career on LJ, and if you haven't read her books, just do it. Now.

sabyl is a poker player, a fashion plate, and a lot of fun to be around. Sometimes, she posts detailed tournament stories, or bits of her life in central California. She's also a terrific friend (and it was fun to be in her wedding, too).

If you don't read sarah00smith's books (especially Chasing Shakespeares), you're missing a treat. I wish she posted more.

sdn asks the best questions ever. She'll just pop up, ask a provocative question, and sit back and watch the answers flow. She also posts about publishing, dentistry, and whatever's on her mind. A favorite journal of mine, when she's active.

serenejournal is a friend, and family, and a role model, and all the things you might want a person to be. She posts a lot about her life, and gives us a real window into the ways she keeps herself happy and even-keeled (and also the times when those things aren't happening).

I have such a huge warmth in my heart for seyewailo, whose journal is mostly locked. She's a professor, a magician, and has an extraordinarily open heart.

sogwife was an extra gift who came when serenejournal joined my tribe. Crafter extraordinaire, rat mom, and general all-around interesting person, who posts rarely.

spacecrab is excellent on both politics and music, when he posts. He shares my 1960s sensibility about how things "should" be, which makes him refreshing to read.

What can I say about stonebender? He's been one of my best friends for many years. Plagued by lack of access to so many things, by depression, and by a landslide of family health troubles, he still manages to keep his head above water, posts when he can, and is relentlessly committed to social justice.

sturgeonslawyer is a friend from the early days at Other Change of Hobbit. I haven't seen him in many years, but like keeping in touch with him online. Sadly, he's fighting the all-too-present unemployment wars these days, so he doesn't post much and is somewhat dispirited.

supergee is an excellent writer, but he usually confines himself to posting a wide variety of fascinating links without much comment. He's a terrific source for Body Impolitic post topics, among other things.

susannochka is the neighbor I never see, and she doesn't post much either. But she's fun when she does post, or when we run into each other. I'd like to know her better.

susansugarspun doesn't post much, and if you were as busy as she is, you wouldn't either. She gave up a college teaching job for a private high-school teaching job on the other side of the country, and it's doing well by her (at last check). She's also editor-in-chief at Strange Horizons, and a good friend whom I'm not in quite enough touch with.

susanstinson rides an adult tricycle and just had a letter published in The New Yorker. I'm willing to bet she's the only person in the world of whom both those things are true. A smart, effective size acceptance activist, and a fine fiction writer. I want her Jonathan Edwards novel to be published, dammit!

switchybitch is stuck in a country she doesn't want to be in because of (in my opinion) stupid bureaucratic rules. I wish she was both where she wanted to be, and closer to me, which are coincidentally the same thing. She posts about what's happening with her, and what she's thinking, perfect for a faraway friend.

swm_with_ears doesn't post and probably doesn't read. But I hope he knows I'm always thinking about him and his health issues. Anyone got any secrets for teaching self-contained people to ask for what they need? Or at least admit that they might need anything?

tamiam posts intermittently, and I'm always so happy to see a post from her. She's a terrific friend, a good writer, a hard worker, and more fun to be around than almost anyone I know.

the_ogre posts about his life and his motorcycle. Somehow he manages to get his personal warmth into a lot of his posts, which is an excellent skill.

the_siobhan is really a friend of a friend, but I so enjoy the chances I've had to get to know her. She pulls no punches in her journal or in person.

thesideshow doesn't post, but anyone who isn't reading The Sideshow, the political blog for which this journal is named, is missing Avedon's trenchant commentary on the world. She's been one of my favorite writers/thinkers for thirty-plus years, now.

I enjoy tiger_spot when I am around her, which isn't often enough. These days, she's writing about house-buying in northern California, so wish her luck.

tnh, of course, is more often found at Making Light than on LJ, where her excellent writing, encyclopedic knowledge of cooking and ingredients, knitting, tacky church artifacts, and more is always worth reading. (I should, of course, have mentioned Making Light when I wrote about ). She's an old and very dear friend, and another of my long-time favorite writers.

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07:55 am: Minding my P's, Q's, and R's
I absolutely don't have time to do this, so here I am.

pameladean is one of my personal favorite writers of fantasy. When she posts (not that often), her writing talents show up in full force. I especially appreciate her posts about natural phenomena.

panjianlien dropped her very popular highly-subscribed journal and slipped away to a quieter place without telling anyone, but I eventually found her there. Acclaimed writer of nonfiction and fiction, she is a world-class storyteller. I read her for wisdom, perfectly told tales of urban life, and just because I enjoy the day-to-day musings in her journal.

You can find me after pantryslut in so many comment threads, saying, "What pantryslut said." (Sometimes it goes the other way.) We're vastly different people, yet we agree on a great many philosophical, ethical, and aesthetic things. I love hanging out with her and her family. The best thing about her journal is its combination of spare writing and open-hearted living.

Then there's papersky. I've admired her Usenet writing from afar for a long time and her fiction writing since her books started appearing. Just recently, we're starting to become friends, which delights me. She chronicles her writing in her journal, and she sometimes shares her excellent poetry. (I really want to get my current fan letter to her out of my head and into her hands.)

pennski and I are friends; we just haven't had the time to find out what that means. You have to love the people who travel across the pond to WisCon every year: one of these days she and her husband bookzombie will come to California as well.

I don't know perigee half as well as I would like. He's taking somewhat of a hiatus from posting about race, privilege, warriorship and related issues, but I trust he'll be back.

These days piranha posts pictures almost exclusively. I love the pictures, and wish there were more take-no-prisoners tell-the-truth-as-I-see-it posts, like I remember from Usenet.

pnh and I have been friends since the beginning of time. I can always count on him for great music, lightning-speed jokes, and insightful comments about literature, the book biz, and life. I truly value his friendship.

Surely there's a way to talk about your partner in a format like this. Surely? pokershaman only posts tweets, which is a loss, since he's a fine writer. I can't begin to encapsulate over 25 years of relationship, so I won't try.

porcinea is most recently the stalwart of the WisCon database team, which is especially wonderful because it would be so embarrassing to have all the coding done by men (and I can't code my way out of Hello World). I've deeply enjoyed getting to know her better during this process, and am looking forward to more.

postmaudlin: excellent poet, author, essayist, troublemaker, keen observer of the world. She hasn't posted much since she changed her journal name, but I hope she'll be back.

prock posts less since the second baby was born. When he does post, you can count on him for carefully thought out writing on investment, economics, poker, and whatever else is on his mind.

quility and I reconnected in June after many years of not seeing each other; she's still a complete and total love. It's great to see her happily married to a man who appreciates her. She writes little bits and pieces about her life, and I am so glad to be in touch with her.

In my opinion, rambleman should post more about his interesting life as an anarchist in the midwest, working for a publishing distributor.

redbird posts about her life, her lovers, and her job. She has an extremely incisive mind. One thing she does that I love is pull out her good writing from comments in other journals and post it in her own journal.

rednfiery is another who doesn't post much, but she's so fun to be around in person!

replyhazy posts about life, work, and bellydancing. She's dropping out of the areas of life where we connect, which is certainly right for her, and mildly disappointing for me.

If you love burlesque, read rmjwell for reviews and pictures. There's a lot more to him than that, but these days it isn't in his journal. If he ever decides to post about a wider range of topics again, I'll be glad.

roadnotes is very dear to me, and I hate what she and baldanders have gone through in the past year. But she's shown her true colors, and oh, do they fly! Read her for fierceness, singing, musing on her own issues, daily life, and just a sense of who she is.

Recently rozk has been posting segments of a remarkably fine long autobiographical poem. She also posts her pop culture criticism, writes about her trans activism. She writes one of the most thought (and feeling) provoking journals I read.

01:20 am: Mmmmmmm NOm nom nom
It's been a few days since I got to this, so maybe it's worth reiterating the principle. I'm including mutual readers whom I know personally (or know well enough on line for it to be personal). If I don't include you, possibly I've forgotten the link between your journal name and your real name? Let me know.

mackenzie has a fabulous smile. She's a contradancer and was a suicide counselor. She blogs about dancing, and about her job (and recently her war with the insurance company). I'm glad to know her.

madrobins is an excellent writer (who doesn't write enough). She transfers her fiction writing skills into creating an excellent journal, which is mostly about her life as a not-quite-super-mom and the adventures of her family, and also delves into thoughtful posts about what's on her mind. Since I don't see her enough, reading her journal makes me feel connected to her, which I like a lot. Oh, I forgot to mention her cake decorating skills (she puts up pictures, too)!

marykaykare is someone I've known for a long time. She's especially good to work with on a convention or other ongoing project.

men_in_full is not someone I know personally. In fact, I know very little about her, except that she does a fabulous job of finding and writing about images of large men. As such, she's a sister under my Body Impolitic skin, and I'm so glad her journal is there.

meowse is really a friend of a friend. Most of what I get out of his journal is excellent links to interesting political and social articles; he finds ones that no one else does.

merovingian has the best fiction journal on all of LJ. He posts surreal short vignettes that are like nothing else. I honestly have no idea why he's not being paid to publish them in a professional venue (I've tried to make this happen). The only drawback to his journal is that that's all he posts; you'll never learn anything about the real Frankish dynasty behind the fiction.

n6tqs is another person I've known for noticeably over 30 years, and we've been varyingly close friends over all that time. He doesn't post much unless he's traveling, but he travels to the strangest places on the globe (as his username suggests, he's an active ham radio enthusiast, and he goes often places where it's hard to make ham contact). He's also a bicyclist, and a theater enthusiast.

nadyalec is the bestest kind of friend a person can have. He is fierce, tender, careful, and determined. We haven't been friends for a very long time, but the friendship is deepening so nicely, and no one is better at going out of their way to make me (or his other friends) happy; at the same time, he's one of those people who will keep you (me) politically honest at any cost. Invaluable.

nellorat blogs about her life as a tutor, her rats (whom she adores), her garden, and her triad household. I miss being where I can sometimes see her in person and hang out in their amazing house.

nihilistic_kid has one of the sharpest tongues (fingers?) on LJ. He does not suffer fools gladly, but because he isn't one himself, this can be entertaining more often than it is infuriating. (He might prefer to be infuriating more often than he's entertaining, however.)

nojojojo is on her way to being a famous writer. I can't wait to read her forthcoming book (first in a trilogy). She blogs about writing, and politics and is always smart, incisive, thoughtful, and self-examining.

olivia_circe is an incredibly special person to me. Partly because I've known her since she was very small, but more because she's grown into such a fascinating person, and I get to be grown-up friends with her. She's one of my avenues into the seductive universe that is fanfic, but she also speaks my language so she can guide me around. She's getting her masters' in reading 17th century manuscripts; how cool is that?

onyxlynx snuck into blogging without telling me, but I eventually found out who she is in real life. I know she doesn't want too much connection to her "real" name revealed. Suffice it to say that she blogs about baseball, photography, and whatever is on her extremely quirky and fascinating mind, with toe-in-the-water excursions into politics. She and I have been friends for a long time, and our friendship has survived some pretty intense strains (never really between us, just in outside circumstances).

oursin is one of the best commentators you'll ever find on how sex and gender are handled in the media. In England, she's frequently the expert the TV and radio call on for such topics. She's unbelievably smart, very incisive, often funny, and also writes about the breakfast rolls she bakes most weekends. I bought one of her books (Hidden Anxieties, about male sexuality in the first half of the 20th centurya) in the con_or_bust auction last year and have just recently finished it, which only increased my admiration for her.

01:48 pm: Joining, Knowing, Liking
jaeleslie (maryread on LJ) is a calligrapher, a walker, and a very thoughtful person. I love reading what she writes.

jamie has been struggling hard with the economy. She writes and makes beautiful jewelry and raised her daughter B. in a very examined and admirable fashion. I think things are getting a little easier for her.

I wrote my love note to janeehawkins in her journal the other day. She's another one who's had (very) hard times with depression, and she doesn't post much. One of her exes said to me once, "Jane is my favorite person." That stopped being true for him, but it has more or less stayed true for me for thirty years.

jenett is really a friend of a friend (that being elisem). I met her a little bit at 4th Street Fantasy. She's one of the rare people who can write about pagan ritual and practice without making me try not to cringe. And she does terrific how-to posts on various skills.

I've known jerrykaufman about as long as I've known emerdavid. Jerry and Suzle have been married for 22 years, but were together when I met them more than ten years before that. I wish he posted more.

jesse_the_k wheeled herself right into my heart when she started the entire WisCon access initiative. She's smart, thoughtful, funny, and determined. And determined. Did I say determined?

kimberly_a has been one of my best friends. Depression eats too much of her life and energy; she writes about what's going on with her extremely clearly and very well, from high points to low ones. I miss her.

jillzilla inconveniently lives 8,000 miles away and posts rarely. I would love to know her better. She's a traveler, a singer, and a student.

joedecker is an absolutely remarkable nature photographer. Don't miss his work. He has a lovely grin and is a good person to have for a friend. These days, he mostly posts about his passion: his tireless advocacy for complete across-the-board equality for gay people (but some photography still sneaks in).

jonquil has a superb style in rants and turns a phrase with the best of them. (If you have a desire to see Cory Doctorow or Michael Pollan broiled on a spit until done, she's your journaler of choice.) She also writes about farmers' markets, sewing, daily life and health, and other topics of interest.

I recommended jpmassar's journal to everyone I knew during the 2008 election run-up. JP turned his superb game-player brain to politics for this last election, and he's one of the most astute and careful commentators around (he also blogs for Daily Kos). I'm always glad to read his journal, but especially when elections of any size are coming up in my community.

juliebata did yeoman (yeo-woman?) service at the Tiptree bake sale at WisCon for many years, and (with her husband) runs the LiveJournal party at WisCon. She doesn't post much, though.

k6frm posts very little, and is quiet in person also. But he's always listening, and it's worth listening when he does say something.

kalmn is just a special person. She blogs about what's going on in her life (including the baby she's working on adopting) and what matters to her.

Heard the phrase, "pillar of the community"? That's kate_schaefer. She's a pillar of my community, anyway. Like a lot of people on my reading lists, she doesn't post much, but when she does I'm always glad I read it.

kateelliott is a successful fantasy writer, and a friend. Her writing advice (and writing musings) are stellar. She also writes about Hawaii, where she lives. A journal writers should be reading.

I long to visit kightp and just hang out. She's a cook and a knitter and a professional web manager, and she writes engagingly about the details of her life.

The redoubtable Ms. klages posts rarely too. She must be too busy writing superb novels and short stories, being a bulwark of the Tiptree Award (and not just at the legendary WisCon fundraising auction, traveling all over the place, and just being the raconteur and good friend that she is.

klwalton has one of the most *ahem* interesting jobs of anyone I know: she's a freelance sound tech for various TV news networks, working with her husband who's a freelance photographer for same. Admirably (and regrettably) she doesn't gossip much about what she learns at work. Instead, she writes about her family, what it's like to have her job, her fabulous cooking skills, and just what it's like to be Kathy. I would love to see more of her.

Sometimes you feel close to a person without really knowing why. I've felt that way about kshandra for a long time. I love knowing what's happening with her, so her journal is a pleasure.

ksp24 should start posting again. She's a cosmopolitan, a world traveler, a fine photographer, and one of the world's most entertaining conversationalists. I also love knowing her serious side.

When ktempest is angry, two things are true: she's angry for a reason, and she's remarkably articulate about it. And she's angry a lot. But that's not all that she is. If I cut my list down to just a few journals, hers would be one of them.

ladyjax and I go way back, to when she was working at the women's bookstore up the street from my house. She's a martial artist, a church-going Episcopalian, and has a take-no-prisoners style that I secretly copy.

laurieopal is my friend, my mentor, my partner in business, and sometimes my partner in crime. She's just recently started journaling about her jewelry, and it's always fun to read.

When lcohen posts about her life, past or present, she is invariably thoughtful, detailed, careful, and interesting. I would barely know her at all if she didn't put so much of herself into pixels. And I always want to know her better.

light_of_summer is another long-time friend, who doesn't post much, but pops up in comments. One of her passions is sustainability and she's done some good work on LJ and elsewhere in that area.

I get the feeling that loracs sometimes thinks her posts are boring. I beg to differ. She's an excellent writer and she captures slices of her life, tough parts and easy parts, very well indeed. She's too busy and stretched to post much, but I'm always glad to see her pop up on my reading list.

You can add lynnal, scientist, weaver, martial artist, to my list of people who should post more. I'm so pleased to know that she and badger2305 are living in the same place again!

05:43 am: GHI
I keep thinking that I wrote the "wrong" thing about elisem, because I'm so concentrated on what's happening to her right now. What I didn't say is that she's a talented artist and has a unique gift (among several unique gifts) for using her art to spark and encourage other people's art.

genderfur got a job! She's a knitter, a tech writer, and a genuine Reliable Human Being (TM). Not enough of those around.

gerisullivan is fun to be around, a very talented design and production freelancer, and a good person to have as a friend.

I am completely thrilled to have ginoushka as a friend. In the standard senses, we have almost nothing in common, and yet there's a way in which we're the same kind of people. She's a knockout writer, a better performer, and she lives well in the world.

What can I say about goodbadgirl? I came to admire her a lot when she lived here (did I say "knockout writer and better performer" about Gina? do I have to say it twice in a row?). If I had one magic-wand wish, I would probably use it on her health. I deeply appreciate how she manages to be knocked down by illness, politically astute, cute about her pets, and into the delights of being a femme, all at the same time.

gramina is one of the most thoughtful and considerate people I know. She leads a genuinely examined life.

hhw always puts the phases of the moon on her posts, which is such a terrific idea I've almost stolen it several times. She's terrific company over tea, and she's in the process of changing her whole life around.

hobbitbabe pulled herself out of a collapsing life and built a thriving life on what she learned from the old one. She's also got one of the best smiles on the planet. And she's another one who writes really genuinely about what's going on with her.

hholiday is part of a household I'm especially fond of. I don't know her as well as I know her sisterwives, but I can tell it's going to be a fun journey.

I'd like to hold a mirror up for housepet so she could see herself as others see her. Check out her journal for comparatively infrequent posts, all of them thoughtful, thoughtprovoking and full of care and attention. She never talks when she can listen, something everyone who knows me knows I can learn from.

Scheduling coincidences were the reason that imnotandrei and I started hanging out on a regular basis, but that's only how, not why, we became such extremely close friends. Writer, printer, formal poet, game designer, performer, raconteur, and "uncle bear daddy," he's stalwart, smart, and great company.

irontongue is another long-time friend. If you like classical music, check out her blog . Otherwise, watch when you see her comment: insightful and extremely well-informed.

I've watched izzybellbooks go from WisCon newbie to WisCon stalwart in what feels like not a lot of years. She does good work in the world. To use a household phrase in my household, she "holds her opinions strongly," which I absolutely think is not only a compliment but something we can use more of in our lives.

09:50 pm: DEFinitely still fun
dancingsinging is a new friend, and we've gotten very close very quickly. No one is putting more effort into looking at the world around her, and who she is and wants to be: that's always going to bring someone close to my heart.

davidgoldfarb especially asked to be recognized here (but he would anyway, since we're on each other's lists). I've known him since he was a young teenager. He's passionate about books and games, and likes to share his passions. He's also getting married!

dbubley is having a real hard time these days, but she's still the fat girl with the incisive mind that I've admired since I met her.

If you don't know deliasherman's writing, you should. And if you don't know Delia herself, your life is poorer for it. No one with manners that refined should be that wicked (or vice versa?). She's not just good company, she's good people.

donsimpson, mad scientist, doesn't post, and I don't know if he reads. I do know that he creates the most amazing things, and that he once put a Visible Man kit and a Visible Horse kit together to make a Visible Centaur. And I never wrote the centaur porn I promised him decades ago.

One theme you'll see in these lists is how much I appreciate people who work on their own stuff in public. (Probably because I never do that.) Anyway, doppmonster does that and still manages to seem completely together in person. An amazing feat!

eleanor doesn't seem to post these days, and I miss her. She carries more energy in a tiny package than ought to be possible by the laws of physics.

Just home from hip surgery, elisem is busy healing herself, which is what she should be doing. But I miss her while she's doing it. Especially the late-night phone calls, which start with "Can I tell you a thing?" and end in a fit of giggles, or a joint crying jag, or just a quiet goodnight.

elysdir doesn't use his LJ. His blog feed is "jedediah," where you never know what you're going to find: from link roundups to magazine reports to thoughtful personal posts. He's one of my favorite people to spend a quiet evening with, too.

I've known emerdavid longer than anyone else on my friends-list, and it's not like we got along well when we met. But time has changed that. He plays mean keyboards, and he listens more than he talks, which makes him especially interesting when he talks.

epershand is a perfect example of why your friends should date, even when the relationships don't work out; you inherit the most marvelous people. And I can't think of any other way I would have been likely to meet her.

erickavan is too ill to communicate much. She puts all her energy into managing her many illnesses. I took a deep pleasure to be a small part of helping her and jbru stay in their home.

evwhore writes one of my favorite journals. He mostly writes about poker and video poker ... and scrabble ... and hockey ... and his cat ... and odd things he sees on the net ... and how he sees the world. I'm always learning something, and it isn't always something salacious.

No matter how well I think I know fattest, which varies in different periods, I always wish I knew her better.

fayelenem doesn't post. She's one of the best people to hang out with on the planet, and not just because she has the world's most infectious laugh. She raised her kids and then transformed herself; who gets to do that?

fgherman is someone I run into now and then; we live in different cities and travel in different orbits. I'm always glad to see her name on my reading list.

firecat is a crafter, a perceptive reader, an excellent writer, and a good friend. She has her own slightly quirky way of seeing the world, and when she writes about something I've been thinking about, she invariably helps me see it just a little differently.

fr_john invited me to his ordination as a Catholic priest lo these many years ago, even though I felt like we didn't know each other well. I was honored to be invited and delighted to have the experience. I like his posts, but wish he was less depressed.

How could you resist a username like frogpyjamas? Especially on a math teacher with a sideline in taking furniture repair classes? We almost never see each other and she doesn't post much, two things I would change if I could.

10:05 am: BCing you
Continued from previous post. Thanks to vito_excalibur and aedifica, I can now distinguish between LJ and DW!

I left out a couple of As and numbers:

1crowdedhour is a fine writer and a terrific person to climb around 12th century castles with. I'm always glad to run into her on visits to the midwest.

aria swam into my orbit at this year's WisCon. I enjoyed her immensely and hope she keeps swimming nearby.

anne sat next to me on the fanfic panel at Fourth Street Fantasy. You have to love someone whose interest in fanfic dates back to medieval French history!

I don't know where to start with badgerbag. She's smart, she takes no shit, she's funny, she's taught me an amazing amount, she writes more than most people think about writing, and she's really good at showing up as her whole self, a skill I completely envy. She rocks my world.

Doctor badger2305 is completely unrelated to badgerbag. He and I share political beliefs, book choices, friends, and good times. When we start talking, we find it difficult to stop. And he let me proofread his dissertation, too!

baldanders has been very special to me for many years, since before we were de facto roommates in the late 1980s. He taught me what I know about sports and why to care about them. He's been through hard medical times recently, and I am simultaneously sad and thrilled to see how hard he's working to come back.

bastette_joyce isn't someone I see very often, but we always enjoy each other when our paths cross. And, oh, does she love her cats (as you might guess from her username).

bcholmes gave me the title for this particular post. I don't know anyone whose ethical thinking I admire more than BC's. I learn from her every time we connect. And she's funny to boot!

It seems to be true that beckastar wasn't in my life a few years ago, but I don't really believe it. There's no one on earth better to make a seder with, and she's good company the rest of the year as well.

bestdonya doesn't post and almost never reads, but I still have to make a nod to one of my lifelong closest friends. We've been through fire together and we've come out scarred but strong. And no one has a better dry wit.

bethmeacham was my first real boss in publishing, and she's taught me an enormous amount. I have my job now because of things I learned from her. More than anything, she taught me that it's possible to truly love science fiction and fantasy, to be passionate about it, and to be a professional in publishing it. And she writes beautifully about her horses and the southwest.

bibliofile is a great roommate to have at a convention. She's good company, she pays real attention, and she's engaged with the things I think are important.

It's not just that I'm in love with black_pearl's twins. I liked him a lot before he had twins. He's friendly, genial, easy to be around, and feels very at home in himself.

I only see bplutchak once a year, and we both feel the real connection when we do see each other. She's one of those people who keeps transcending her hard times, as if it just wasn't possible for her to give up. I admire that so much.

calimac and I also go back a long way. I can always count on him for a thoughtful, detailed response, an informative political link, and an extensive knowledge of fantasy literature, Tolkien, and classical music.

I used to work with cattitude and I always enjoyed his phlegmatic, practical optimism. He's incredibly easy to be around. I wish he posted more.

charliegrrrl is a complete original. I don't see her post much here, but I love her "Writers with Drinks" monthly event. Anything she's part of is more alive, awake, and vibrant than anything she's not part of.

emchy is here out of order, because her LJ handle would fit here alphabetically. She's the sexiest woman ever to pick up an accordion, and you can tell her I said so. Musician, poet, film-lover, Cindy's the model of a 21st century artist. And she shares both the joys and the tribulations of that life on her LJ. Check out her two-person band, Vagabondage, if you get the chance.

What could be wrong about knowing compilerbitch? I live to see pictures of fossils she found on her robotics expedition to the Arctic ice floes, complete with tape measure quantification and a discussion of what the geologists had to say about it. (She's also fun when she's at home in the Bay Area, in case that wasn't clear.)

coniraya might post more if he wasn't in graduate school. I'm invariably delighted to see what he writes or what he has to say when we come into contact. More, please?

cynthia1960 stands up for what she believes, knits up a storm, and brooks no nonsense. All good things, in my book.

03:34 pm: A is for At Least It's a Start
anarqueso has just finished a lovely (locked) process of commenting briefly on all the folks on her LJ friendslist whom she knows well enough to say something about. I've been enjoying the whole process, and am especially pleased with what she said about me when she got to the Ws. "She has an at-home quality to her, though I've never actually been to her home. She carries it with her and offers you a piece." Even though we hardly know each other, it feels like a compliment tailored to who I want to be.

I want to do the same thing, though it's singularly ill-suited to the odd marriage of DW and LJ. But I'm going to try to merge my reading lists and get everyone. If you're not on Dreamwidth, please excuse the inappropriate icons. (If I don't list you, it's either because I don't know you, or I don't realize that I know you. Or I missed someone in combining lists. Comment and I'll try to fill in the missing pieces.)

Again following anarqueso's lead, I'll do this in sections over the next several/many days.

14cyclenotes is a punster, a polymath, a generous host, and has a very warm hug (with which he is also generous).

19_crows pays real attention to how and why people disagree with her. She has a totally admirable way of navigating the chasm between being open-minded and holding to her own beliefs. She also creates beautiful knitted objects and has excellent taste in jewelry.

_stranger_here is one of those rare people whose body and personality seem to be completely in keeping with each other, and both are remarkably beautiful. We're much closer friends than the amount of time we've spent together could possibly justify.

aberwyn has been a friend, a colleague, and a source of wisdom. We don't see each other these days, and that's a loss.

adb_foldem is the gentleman of the poker table: unfailingly polite, kind, and thoughtful. Also given to well-turned sarcastic comments, and an excellent companion at the theater.

adrian_turtle has an engineer's mind, and there's nothing more compelling than a woman with an engineer's mind. I especially appreciate how she sets her brain to tackling her problems, and how she does that in public so I can watch and learn.


Recently, I've had some opportunities to get to know alanro a bit better. It's slow going, because he's so quiet and patient, and it's worth the time.


Speaking of quiet, the sweetness that alibi_shop exudes has become very special to me. He's at least as talented as he is self-effacing.

This whole thing is anarqueso's fault. More important, being around her always makes me want to be around her more. And she has the best journal handle ever!

annafdd keeps getting knocked down, and keeps pushing herself back up. I'd like things to be easier for her; I admire the way she rides her internal rollercoaster and keeps moving forward.

annaoj is terrific to work with and fun to talk to. I'd like to know her better.

aquenigmatic enriched our household so much by moving in, and has become a real friend. Again, I'd like the world to be a bit more gentle with him, but I also know he's the match for whatever comes his way.

athenais has been in my life for a long, long time. We've drifted some distance apart, but it's so good to be in some touch and just know she's there.

03:06 pm: London trip report
I thought I'd elaborate somewhat on the brief post I made from London (most of which was written in Oakland, waiting for wordweaverlynn to pick me up for an extremely thoughtful early-morning airport ride).

pokershaman and I got to London early Friday morning after basically uneventful flights. (Well, okay, I mislaid my passport on the second flight, but I knew where it had to be, and it was in fact there.) We had some trouble finding our hotel, due in part to my limited Google map skills and in part to the hotel's un-useful information. In fact, we found whipartist (Patti) on a street bench before we found the hotel, and after much tired walking and some snappishness. However, they were able to give us a room right away and we had many hours to rest and sleep before the performance.

Once located, the hotel was an excellent choice: large rooms, comfortable, reasonably priced, very convenient to several tube stops, and not too far from the theatre district, though farther than I had expected. Alan and I had encountered the set-up where you need to keep your room card key in a light-switch slot to operate the room lights when we were in Australia, so we figured that out pretty quickly. And the doorbells on each room were just slightly odd.

But the elevator set-up was completely topsy-turvy. I imagine I've been in somewhere between 500 and 1000 different elevator set-ups in different buildings in my life. Every one of those that wasn't operated by a human being has buttons in the elevator which you use to select your floor. At this hotel, there's a keypad in the lobby which you use to select your floor. The keypad then directs you to one of the four elevators. The elevators have no buttons; you get in the one you were instructed to use and it goes directly to your floor. If it has several groups, it goes to the floors in order. But there is no way to direct the elevator from inside the elevator. Anyone else ever seen this? It worked just fine, but it was backwards. I explained it to several people over the course of the weekend.

After some sleep, we met Patti and walked to the theater, through London rush hour crowds. What I thought would be a 20-minute walk turned out to be more like a 50-minute walk, so we had very little time to meet slowjoe, grab a quick bite, and get our tickets, but it worked out.

Waiting for Godot itself was, for all of us, suffused with the delight that McKellen and Stewart seem to have in acting with each other. I bought the program (for stonebender) and it has a picture of Sir Ian acting with Patrick Stewart in 1977 (as well as a picture of the two of them in X-Men). I know the play very well, and I don't know that I've ever seen it done better. Both McKellen and Stewart captured the very difficult balance between humor and misery that's required to make the play work. Patrick Ness later told me that he thought the play was a bit overacted, and clarified that he meant Simon Callow as Pozzo; I can sort of see what he means, and at the same time I'm not sure it's possible to overact Pozzo: chewing the scenery is what that role is for. Ronald Pickup was a superb Lucky, a comparatively small and absolutely essential role if the play is to work. But mostly it was the supreme artistry of the two lead actors, and their complete embodiment of their roles, that won my heart.

Afterwards, slowjoe led us to Gaucho, a high-end Argentinian steakhouse. If it wasn't for Twitter, none of the rest of us would have known that Alan was using the ceiling mirrors to investigate the cleavage of the women at the next table. The food was excellent, the conversation pleasant, and we were exhausted by the end of the meal.

Saturday, we spent giving Tiptree Award props to Patrick Ness. We had a nice turnout, and it was great to see peake, brisingamen, annafdd, rozk, olivia_circe, plus O'C's mom Ellen who is an old friend of mine, and a process-work intensive friend of Alan's and mine, who came down from near Leeds and was inundated with gender-bending science fiction folks. Patrick brought a friend of his (all of his editorial and agent folks being at a wedding for his favorite copy-editor) and a lovely time was had by all. I am eternally grateful to olivia_circe for helping me find a place and plan, and also for being the postal repository for some of Patrick's loot. The Secret Feminist Cabal is everywhere.

After the gathering broke up, we hung out in a coffee shop and then a Chinese restaurant with rozk and olivia_circe, as well as Ellen, which was terrific catch-up time.

We were debating what to do on Sunday until it turned out that whipartist had almost the exact same ideas we did. So we took off together for the "Gay Icons" exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery. This was an odd exhibit: the curator picked ten famous gay people and had each of them pick six people that they admire (gay or straight) and collected portraits of each one, so the famous gay person and his or her six choices were grouped together. Ian McKellen was one of the people who made selections, which felt familiar and connective. (And we saw a portrait of Patrick Stewart when we were walking through the gallery to the exhibit.) This made it very uneven, with lots of very important people missing (Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin, Del Lyons and Phyllis Martin). But the portraits were excellent, and a few were very memorable.

Neither Patti nor Alan were too excited about the rest of the National Portrait Gallery. Their loss. So we went to the Tate Modern, by ferry. We had lunch in a nice little Greek restaurant, after which Alan decided he was too tired for another museum, so Patti and I went without him. We had a really good time; we're perfect museum companions. She'd been reading Discover Your Inner Economist, so we got to playing his game of "Which would you steal?" in each gallery. We almost never agreed, but we often agreed on second choice. This turns out to be an exceedingly fine way to whet one's appreciation of a museum or gallery.

When we had seen enough for the day, Patti suggested Harrods' food court, which I had never seen, so off we went, through ferry and tube to the Mecca of British food purchase. Teas and chocolates, cheese and charcuterie, biscuits, meats, fresh vegetables, sit-down specialty restaurants, and more. All of it beautifully displayed. I bought some tea and a few chocolates for colleagues. Patti bought tea and chocolate as well. We decided to forego the alcohol section this time, and headed back to the hotel.

Alan and I had an uninspiring dinner in the neighborhood, but we had switchybitch for lovely company as we ate. It was great to see her after time away!

In the morning, we headed out for another early morning plane. The trip was much enlivened by a long stopover in Toronto, where bcholmes was kind enough to take time off her workday and meet us. I'm so sad that we got there before she did, because it took a little of the edge off her showing up with a perfectly printed meet-at-the-airport-sign:

GODOT

She took us to a Himalayan restaurant and then we sat in a park for a while and chatted some more before getting on another plane.

And we were back home in a familiar bed something like eighty hours after we left. The cat acted as if we'd been gone a month, though.

And many thanks to coffeeem for providing the perfect icon at the perfect moment.